I'm dying SquirtleThere is something people say that hurts so deeply, that makes me want to choke people, makes me want to cry each time it happens.It's something most people would kill to hear, ironically.Positive comments about my weight and body."You're so thin!""I wish I was your size.""You look great!""You're perfectly fine.""Ugh, I'd kill for your body - I'm so fat."Oh, god, when they say "I'm so fat" I doubly want to kill them.What has society devolved into? Perfectly healthy people want to look like me - malnourished, underweight, shadows and lines under my eyes, pale as a ghost, can't lay on the floor or sit in certain chairs because my bones poke the hard surfaces painfully.Once someone asked me how I got my "perfect tummy."I was not feeling well that day, so I replied in mocking anger; "Oh, you know. Depression, stress, apathy, starvation - just the usual!"I didn't receive a reply back for that one.Once a cousin was going on and on about my "perfect body" and how she was just soo
dumbassYou fucking retards,This shit is stupid simple,God fucking damn it.
We Always Learn the Hard WayI've always wanted to askA Muslim,"What is it like to feel the searing burn of scorn?"I've always wanted to askAn immigrant,"What is it like to be second-class?"I've always wanted to askThe disabled man,"What was it like to be a lesser being?"I've always wanted to askAn old woman,"What was it like to have no place?"I've always wanted to askThe elderly black,"What was it like during the Civil Rights era?"I've always wanted to askElie Wiesel,"What was it like in Nazi Germany?""How did you feel?"Since I met you,I don't need to ask anymore.I know.
Promise His FellowI could tell you that I'd make you proud to have me..."You're... filthy! Your room... oh goodness!"He looked up from the porn magazine he was reading, and smirked. "Come to wat--""No stupid, gross jokes! This is just... deplorable!"He rolled over in his bed, sitting at the edge, and made lewd movements."Stop that! You're horrible!" his fellow responded, looking with disgust. "Wash yourself! I mean it, seriously, just... you're... sick! Disgusting! Just... I-I can't even express..."The smirk was wiped off his face now. The unrestrained horror his fellow was expressing... actually made him feel bad about himself, for once.Looking around the room, he saw the stains on the bed, the nasty clothes everywhere, the knotted socks, and, even his underwear was gray and holey, though it had started white, while his greasy hair stuck to his forehead.He felt... ashamed.... but it would be a lie.I could tell you I'd help you through everything...He shuffled awkwardly with the
In Last Year's NotebookHave you ever drowned?Oh, I have a couple times.Well, obviously it's more like "almost drowned,"Because I'm pretty sure I'm still "here."It's scary, isn't it?I mean, obviously it is, but sometimes it's really scary.I'm talking about when nobody notices you're drowning.Completely helpless, you try to call out butEveryone's too far away or you're too busy drowning to be able to call.Choking, I mean.Oh, but the worst part is when they're lookingRight at you,But still don't see it.Might even yell at you to quit fooling around,To get back to the group,Or something like that.That really puts you in despair.And by the time somebody finally sees you,You've already gone under.Sometimes they pull you back up butIt's difficult to forget the darkness.
losingi shiver against the chaos of mythoughts shouts everywhere whispered plansand pieces of dreams i lulled myself into sleepwith last nightsi try to help myself stop thinkingabout him start doing something go somewhereso i won't see that face of hisit's no use though silly dreams i count thetime with making my head spin round his eyesand that gorgeous perfect so far away from mygrasp and words i could ever aim at himsmiledon't know what's the cause this time hewon't even look at me now a childish thoughti could get his attention with a piece of a clothwith a flirtous move of hips with a smile the coloura broken pomegranate with something akin tohappiness at the sheer sighti feel useless like a broken doll all strings decollatedwith lack of interest i thought i meant somethingplayed even a tiniest role in the play of his life was perhaps the leading actressfor the very first timeinside and outi feel so cold now