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January 13, 2012
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Dame never intends to be a parent, but on the off chance she gets with someone who really wants kids, then she'll adopt. She doesn't intend to adopt any babies but what the fuck ever let's get on with this…

First and foremost: Sex, genitalia, and the like will be an open discussion all the time 24/7.

Obviously I won't be doing things in front of the kid or to the kid but I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever in a million years make the poor thing feel like their body is wrong, gross, dirty, or the like, or that sexuality is the same.

The child will never be ashamed to come to me with questions, curiosities, help, and general discussion about their body, other bodies, sex, and the like. I will make sure of it. It will be as natural to talk to me about it as it will be to talk to me about dinner.

I will never hesitate to say the words "vulva", "vagina", "clitoris", "penis", "testicles", "anus", "nipple", "breast", and the like. Oh well okay that might be a lie I might not resist the chance to listen to a kid say "pee pee" or "wee wee" in reference to dick. But I'll tell them it's a penis but they can call it pee pee if that's too hard.

(Oh lol I just remembered a story of Zed's childhood, The Bad Pee Pee)

Heheheh, hard. Oh yes, bad sex jokes are going to be the staple of my home.

You know I first thought I'd teach when prompted, because kids never want to get The Talk unannounced, and usually when it's done it's too soon or too late and the kid just wants to die on both occasions. I had to change my mind though because society just doesn't want us to talk to our kids and so kids will be pressured from society to not talk to us and thus we take our influence out of our kids' lives by not bringing it up even if we think the complete opposite of the popular opinions. We allow ourselves to be undermined and thus perpetuate the motion of this sickened wheel.

Well first of all we need to break The Talk down to sprinkle over time based on level of importance and when it could best be appropriate. Also, we don't want to overwhelm the poor thing. It's going to be a tough going because regardless of how you feel it's still hard to bring up a serious subject without a good opening and certainly I've noticed saying things out of the blue really leaves people confused for a very irritating long while and you just end up not wanting to talk to them anymore even if the subject is finally ready to get going.

Okay anyway the first subject I will bring up and will continue to ever continue to bring up is the subject of sexual abuse.

I will always tell them the things they need to do when they are in trouble, what can be done to the best of their abilities to avoid trouble, and how to cope with trouble if nothing can be done.
I will not tell them to dress correctly, to be paranoid of people, or any of that crap. I will teach them no matter who they are, they can be raped, or they could rape. I will tell them what IS sexual abuse, so they will never be confused about what they are doing or what could happen to them. I will tell them the situations that can arise, not just the "man in the bushes" incident, not just the "spiked punch" incident, not just the "passed out in the wrong place" incident. I will tell them all the incidents, and tell them how to read warning signs, and, if incidents should occur, how to protect themselves, and what to do after.
(Also I will hope to god they are better at remembering faces and names and clothes than I am.)
I will tell them there's no shame in being sexually assaulted, that they should never feel bad about themselves. It is never their fault. It is never deserved. I will teach them to stand up and voice out.
And I will hope that my teachings will reach them and make them strong advocates for themselves and others, and that they will always do the right thing.

And then there will be the body positivity. I will tell them there's nothing wrong with wanting to touch themselves, with experimenting with themselves. I will reiterate my points about sexual boundaries, the whole, "good touch, bad touch" spiel, but I won't center it around adult abuse but also abuse from their peers. I will tell them there's nothing wrong with any touches they try to do to themselves, if they are male it's okay to like penetration and if they are female it's okay to not like it (referencing their bodies). I will tell them it's okay to be uncertain and to just do what's comfortable, but to never totally abandon touching themselves if it feels too weird at first, but…
This will bring up the subject of transgenderism which I will lightly touch upon up until their mid pubescent ages. By then they should know if they feel differently about their bodies, though I'm not saying they'll know for sure their gender identities, but by then they should be able to voice their discomfort is what I'm saying. I won't accusingly bring it up, I will just make note that some people aren't comfortable in their bodies and that's okay too, and if they are not they should tell me so I can help them to feel comfortable.

Now on that subject though I will bring up the importance of self examinations and cleansing. The nipple, breast/chest, genital, and anus areas are areas often skipped over or improperly cared for because people are too disturbed with the thought of touching themselves or asking questions about these places.

Then there's anatomy. This will be tied in with immediate above two items. I will tell my children about their anatomy. Not just their head, shoulders, knees, and toes, but all of it, to the best of my ability (after all it's not like I'm majoring in it). Again, it will be, vulva, clitoris, vagina, penis, testicles, anus, nipple, breast. And there will also be talk about erections, genital lubricants, ejaculation, and menstruation.
The only problem I have in this area would be if I had an intersex, ambiguous, or otherwise nonconforming child. Then I'd have to ask an expert about some things and we'd learn together. However considering how such children are treated at birth, their chances of being as they should are low, especially if they are up for adoption. Which will be more problems. God I really hope that doesn't happen, it will be expensive, hard, and everyone will be heartbroken.

But another thing I will tell them about in regards to anatomy is the involuntary horrors that children often go through. Hopefully one day they will grow up to oppose them as much as I do, and fight.

Ah yes, on that subject, I will NOT raise my children according to gender roles. I will do my best not to, anyway. Despite what many people would like it's not possible to always oppose The Man, no matter what he has influenced you some how. The best you can do is the best you know how and hope that if it is not completely good that your children will be able to take from your example and improve upon it.
Anyway, I will tell them about gender roles and what they mean and do, and tell them they should be the person they want to be and to hell with everyone else. I will tell them the best they can do against bullying is to hold their heads high, to laugh, and to stick to the people who are positive. But I will teach them not to be so proud as to ignore criticism; I will try and instill in them the ability to recognize when one should change and when one shouldn't.

Okay getting off that little intermission, the last thing to cover of course is sexuality itself.

I will tell them they can not have sex before they are 13. I will tell them I'm not happy with sex before 16, however, I will tell them I will understand if they still do it. I will tell them there's nothing to be ashamed of when you are informed and okay with what is going on. And, of course, I will inform them to the best of my abilities. I will tell them about safe sex and contraception and abortion. I will tell them sex is not just for reproduction. I will tell them there's no shame in having sex. I will tell them there's no shame in not wanting sex. I will tell them you're never too old to lose your virginity. I will tell them there's no shame in never losing it. I will tell them about sexual orientation. I will tell them there are many ways to express sexuality. I will tell them there are many ways to be otherwise intimate with your partner. I will tell them about healthy relationships. I will tell them not to be discouraged. This, like sexual abuse, will never be a topic to leave in the cold. I will always talk about it.

Sex will always be talked about. It will never be a taboo subject in my household. Ever. I will never be condescending with my children's questions and curiosities, I will always love to explain the same thing over and over again if desired. Sex-related reading material will be ever-present if I can help it. I will direct them to sites and places if they feel too uncomfortable with me even then.

This is how I will raise my children, and this is how I believe they should be raised. I will do this all to the best of my ability, after all the future is unpredictable, especially when minors are involved.
I wrote this little "speech" of sorts in protest of someone setting up a keen on Tumblr about people being open about sex with their children and teaching comprehensive sexual education.
Because apparently that will turn their kids into "sluts who'll get raped".

Well, there will be no slut-shaming or victim-blaming in MY household! Should I adopt, that is, of course.
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:iconbaconmagic:
I wish my parents were like this...
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:icondead-raccoons:
Dead-Raccoons Jul 6, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Oh well okay that might be a lie I might not resist the chance to listen to a kid say "pee pee" or "wee wee" in reference to dick.

That part made me smile, giggle and actually look forward to being a mom ... :)

Good read, BTW.
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:icondawn181:
dawn181 Jan 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sounds a lot like my parents. If you do adopt, good luck with that. I can say, as a child with parents who raise me similarily, it will be good for the child.
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:iconpunknarumi:
PunkNarumi Jan 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is incredible. Just, if you have/adopt kids, be sure to stick with this. My mom did similar and, the moment I said I was getting involved, flipped her shit and decided I was horrible and untrustworthy.
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:icondametora:
I would never be like that. Although of course being that they're my children it will get weird once they say they're sexually active just because oh come on every parent feels weird about their kids growing up and I doubt I'd be an exception.
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:iconlukasenricbs:
LukasEnricBS Jan 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sounds like my mother could've written this.
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:iconpurplephoneixstar:
PurplePhoneixStar Jan 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconthisplz:


I agree with this. Kids need to be better educated about sex and adoption is a better option than having your own.
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:icontheorangesunflower:
theOrangeSunflower Jan 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
I agree wholeheartedly with everything said here. This is how I want to be as a parent. My mother was pretty good about handling this subject, but my father was awful about it. My father made me feel ashamed for being a girl (he never expected to have a daughter, so I was a huge disappointment to him)
When I started going through puberty, he would do some very immature things that really made it hard for me to deal with what was going on, especially because I was an early bloomer (I started puberty at about 9 years old). He would find my deodorant and throw it out saying "You don't need this stuff! You're way too young" and he would snap my bra strap and say "What's this? Why are you wearing this thing?"
It was pretty ridiculous. And then when I started menstruating, he refused to pay for pads. "That's your issue, you're gonna have to figure something out"
It sucked because I lived with him for a whole year when I was 12, the worst possible age to be subjected to that crap. It didn't get better as I got older either, just last year after I had turned 19 he gave me this crazy accusation/lecture thing about how I shouldn't have sex with my boyfriend, and that I'm "cheap" and "easy" simply because I'm taking birth control pills. Whatever!
But I don't get down about how I was treated by him, I'm almost grateful because it's made me more understanding and sensitive to the subject and inspired me to make sure no one ever feels uncomfortable about their sexuality, gender, etc.
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